I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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