I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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