when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
