Swine flu. Run for my life!
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
