no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
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So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
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First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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