Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
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my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
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All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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