Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
