I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
if only i could text you this smell
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
