My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
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She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
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She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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