No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
