No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
