I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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