just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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