I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
