drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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