Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
