Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You may now shotgun with the bride
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
