I smell stomach acid.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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