what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
i think my cat just said my name.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
