Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I AM VODKA MAN
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
