Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
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I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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