im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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