On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
