Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
