So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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