I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
