My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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