she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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