she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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