The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
