Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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