I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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