A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Text me some of your sweat
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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