At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
