I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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