so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
