this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
