booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
