why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
