GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
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Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
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I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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