i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
