I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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