no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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