I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
