So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
