Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
