She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
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