I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
