tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize