2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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