I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
