singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i think i have two assholes
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
