It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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