Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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