you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
