I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
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