She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
