I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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