you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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