When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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