My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
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Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
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Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
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