I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
