i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
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I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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