Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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