DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
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Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
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Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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