I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
