I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
