There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
