just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
