you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
