the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
