A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
