your thong is hanging out like whoa
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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