smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
