it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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