i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
