these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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