Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
