The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
